Same-Sex Family Parenting Guide

Parenting can be challenging. Nothing can prepare you for having a child of your own, and every parent experiences ups and downs. But for same-sex parents, it can be much harder. This is because same-sex couples also have to navigate the dynamics of such a family. For same-sex couples, adequate preparation is key, and this parenting guide is one of many resources they can use to parent the children born in these unique families.

Key Takeaways

• Same-sex parents have grown in number in recent years
• In the United States, this number has significantly exceeded.
• There are legal and financial implications that surround same-sex families
• Leaning on support groups can make same-sex parenting easier

Same-Sex Families

Over the years, the number of same-sex families has increased. Between 2000 and 2021,  these families have grown to over 1 million from 500,000. This is because not only has society become more tolerant, but options to start a family for the LGBTQ+ have increased. 

Challenges Facing Same-sex Parents

Challenges in most families are similar, but same-sex families have other unique ones.  

The Costs of Starting a Family

While most hetero families can start families naturally, this is not the case with same-sex families. Same-sex couples have to use alternative methods to start a family, including adoption and assisted reproductive technologies like in vitro fertilization (IVF).

As much as this has made a difference in many families, the cost of same-sex parenting can be significant. The cost of  IVF, adoption, childcare, medical insurance, travel, legal expenses, and surrogacy can cost from $60,000 to upwards of $150,000, depending on how you choose to start your family.

Laws and Regulations

The society has come far, but not far enough. The laws affecting hetero parents when adopting can be different when compared to same-sex parents. This is because laws and regulations in various areas are more stringent for same-sex parents. 

In the USA, laws can be determined by individual states. For example, while the Supreme Court ruled that same-sex parents can adopt, Mississippi prohibits adoption by couples of the same gender. Not only that, but 14 states permit state-licensed child welfare agencies to refuse to place and provide services to certain children and families, including same-sex couples if doing so conflicts with their religious beliefs. 

So, before adopting or starting your family, you need to understand both the state and federal laws as well as the specific adoption regulations in the country you plan to adopt. 

Stigmatization

In many ways, same-sex families still face some stigmatization. Research has shown that children in LGBTQ+ families face discrimination from their peers for being different and tend to be subjected to heteronormative standards and, in some cases, rejection by extended members of their families. This can have a negative impact on the physical, mental, and social functioning of same-sex family systems. 

Tips for Raising a Child in a Same-Sex Family

Most parental advice is tailored to heterosexual parents, and same-sex parents can find it difficult to get guidance tailored to their unique situations. Over the years, the perception has been that children from hetero families fare better than those from same-sex families. But, new studies have also proven that children from same-sex parents fare just as well. 

Raising children can be quite challenging (for both straight and same-sex families). There’s a lot to consider, including the legal, financial, and emotional implications of raising children. The following tips can help same-sex families navigate the challenges they face. 

Communication

Just like with every other relationship, an open-door policy is important. As much as possible, encourage open discussions where your child can ask any questions or relay any concerns. Open communication and continuous conversations about family dynamics will equip children with the necessary skills needed to confront and navigate discrimination.

Adopt Counselling

Therapy is an important tool for same-sex families as it can help such parents understand their unique situation and find the tools to communicate with their children. Children from same-sex families are being raised in a unique environment that may not be supported by society at large. 

Unlike before, there are different options for therapy and an increase in online therapists. You can either choose in-person or online therapy, depending on what your family needs. Therapy will help a same-sex family work through any challenges or fears experienced as a parent and as a child. 

Join a Support Group

Same-sex parenting can feel isolating because of the stigma associated with same-sex relationships. Recently, there has been a surge in local physical and digital support groups for these families. Many states offer LGBTQ+ community centers that host support groups and social events and provide resources such as this one specifically tailored to LGBTQ+ parents and families.

Additional Resources

There are several resources available for LGBTQ+ parents. Here are some of these resources. 

• NOVA IVF’s LGBTQ+ family-building resources. If you’re a same-sex couple considering parenthood, we here at Ivy Fertility can help with your needs. We believe in providing personalized and effective fertility treatment to all patients. Our fertility centers are committed to providing safe, welcoming, and proficient family-building services for the LGBTQ+ community. For more information, explore our 
• Children of Lesbians and Gays Everywhere (COLAGE): An organization dedicated to helping the children of lesbian, gay, bisexual, and/or transgender parents and families.
• Human Rights Campaign Foundation (HRC): The largest civil rights organization in the U.S. working to achieve LGBTQ+ equality.
• Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians, Gays, Bisexual and Transgender (PFLAG): A program devoted to educating and supporting everyone involved in the life of a sexual minority individual.
• Strong Family Alliance: A nonprofit providing support and resources to parents of LGBT kids coming out.
• The Trevor Project: An American nonprofit organization focused on suicide prevention efforts among LGBTQ+ youth.

Bottom line

Children require a physical, emotional, and all-round stable environment, no matter their parents’ sexual orientation. Children who grow up in same-sex-parent families are just as likely to be happy and successful as those who grow up in straight families. It is possible to raise healthy and confident children, no matter the parents’ sexual orientation. For same-sex families, it’s important to look for support, community, and resources that can help raise their children with confidence.